Wednesday, October 10, 2012

empty

as i stare around my room, i can't believe i am where i am in my life. it's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that i'm in my bed, in the closet, at my dad's house, in michigan. and this is what i call home now. this is where i sleep each night, and this is where i come back to everyday. i can't lie, i think about my life; and it doesn't feel whole, like there's a big hole in my soul, and something big is missing. i don't know if it's the fact that i don't see my mom everyday, or the fact that i've realized that i can't live without him in my life, or the simple fact that i miss my dog. the past 2 years, the same person has been floating around my head; constantly. whether it was me choosing to think about it, or him inviting himself into my dreams, to simply running across a picture. there is still that cling in my heart that cares for him deeply; and i'm trying to figure out why.

sometimes i wish i could go back to how my life used to be, cuddling watching a movie, in my bed, in my grandparents house, in utah; with him. i miss the simple things that brought me joy each day. i miss knowing that i was loved, each day. i miss seeing my best friends, each day. i miss knowing that i had someone to turn to, each day. 







my mind is full of questions, things i go back and forth on. things that always seem to come back, feelings that keep arising, and i can't hide them anymore.

3 comments:

  1. You just described exactly how I feel. I appreciate this.

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  2. Hey cass i just wanted to say thanks again for helping me out the other night when i was having such a hard time.these boys are too much alike it kills me. this is exactly how i feel too. i really enjoy reading your blog and knowing im not the only one who is going through this. you really are an amazing girl! don't forget that, ever!

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  3. my feelings exactly. silly boys. why do we have to fall in love with them?

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