It's better to find out later then never who your true friends really are, who never was, and who always has been. No matter what events might take place and drift you for awhile, true friends always come around and care in time of need.
Graduation couldn't of come at any better time. Yes you heard me, I finished my arcs and packets, and I'm walking!
My family from Michigan got here yesterday, and I couldn't be happier.
Next step, graduation.
Then it's really time to take flight.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
You would think
I don't know what it is, but I always seem to expect common courtesy out of people.. But who the hell do I think I am, by doing that? Something I've always had was girl code.. I've always avoided the close friends exes. Is it so hard to do for me? Okay, and if you decide no, I'm not gonna be a decent friend and stay away from your ex, than at least stop effing posting 144221 pictures with him, when you know I'm gonna see it. I'm not jealous, really I'm not. But I don't wanna see pictures of him anymore, he legit makes me sick.
Next time your ex drops off all your sentimental stuff on the side of your house on the anniversary of your uncles death, and thinks its okay.. When he posts statuses about how much time he wasted, and how he's newly single.. When he goes around telling people how happy he is now that he's single.. And watch all of your close friends continue to hang out with him and post pictures, thinking its fine and whatever's. Then if you can honestly tell me you wouldn't be bugged at all; then you must not have had feelings for someone at all.
So if you're my friend and you wanna do this stuff, fine. Thank you for making me realize you're not my friend.. And clearly I'm better off being friends with other people. Now, your probably gonna see this and think 'oh
I better text cass and tell her to stop freaking out', well don't bother.. Cuz I don't care to hear from you, or him.
That's my freak out for the month. Now I'm gonna go back to bed.
Next time your ex drops off all your sentimental stuff on the side of your house on the anniversary of your uncles death, and thinks its okay.. When he posts statuses about how much time he wasted, and how he's newly single.. When he goes around telling people how happy he is now that he's single.. And watch all of your close friends continue to hang out with him and post pictures, thinking its fine and whatever's. Then if you can honestly tell me you wouldn't be bugged at all; then you must not have had feelings for someone at all.
So if you're my friend and you wanna do this stuff, fine. Thank you for making me realize you're not my friend.. And clearly I'm better off being friends with other people. Now, your probably gonna see this and think 'oh
I better text cass and tell her to stop freaking out', well don't bother.. Cuz I don't care to hear from you, or him.
That's my freak out for the month. Now I'm gonna go back to bed.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Could not possibly be happier
It could be because the fact all week I did my favorite thing, laid out in the sun every day, all day. Spring break can do wonders, but also, I think it's safe to say I haven't been this happy in a freaking long time.
I'm the type of person who likes to think about my future, maybe a little too often (I've talked about this before) and sometimes I think that's what makes me unhappy at times. But lately (which I've also talked about lately, and have tried to put into action many times) is to just worry about right now. I guess with graduation coming up and me still having packets, would usually make me stressed beyond liking. But right now, I'm happy.
I like that I feel like a 14 year old when I get cute texts and get the flutters in my stomach. I like that just because I got a text, I'm smiling, and everyone knows who it's from.
I've heard all the jokes you can imagine, and it still makes me want to keep going. I don't care what people have to say, because I haven't been happier in I can't even tell you how long.
I don't mind that I seem silly, and I don't mind that I tell my strong feelings too often. This life is short, and I'm gonna stick to what makes me happy, whatever that may be. I'm sure most of you have caught on, or already know. But we'll just have to see what happens I guess :) and for now, I'm happy with where I'm at in my life. Right. Now.
I'm the type of person who likes to think about my future, maybe a little too often (I've talked about this before) and sometimes I think that's what makes me unhappy at times. But lately (which I've also talked about lately, and have tried to put into action many times) is to just worry about right now. I guess with graduation coming up and me still having packets, would usually make me stressed beyond liking. But right now, I'm happy.
I like that I feel like a 14 year old when I get cute texts and get the flutters in my stomach. I like that just because I got a text, I'm smiling, and everyone knows who it's from.
I've heard all the jokes you can imagine, and it still makes me want to keep going. I don't care what people have to say, because I haven't been happier in I can't even tell you how long.
I don't mind that I seem silly, and I don't mind that I tell my strong feelings too often. This life is short, and I'm gonna stick to what makes me happy, whatever that may be. I'm sure most of you have caught on, or already know. But we'll just have to see what happens I guess :) and for now, I'm happy with where I'm at in my life. Right. Now.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
been almost a month, but not quite yet.
i'm aware that i haven't blogged in a month, tomorrow. ask me why i have become to bad at blogging? i've just been utterly busy and quite frankly, happy. probably from the following reasons:
1. i've realized people are always going to talk, whether you're doing good or bad. so ignore it.
2. break ups don't always come at horrible times, but sometimes the most right time it could.
3. you're going to have up and downs with your family, just hope the downs don't last long.
4. spring break, 4 days. can't wait to be laying in the arizona with madeline.
5. graduation is just around the corner, and i'm buckling down on these packets.
6. and being with your best friend, can be just about the best relationship ever.
i know i need to start making some decisions for my future, but honestly, i'm scared of my future and what i want to do. so right now, i'm just enjoying right now. so once summer comes, and i've laid out a couple hundred days.. then i'll start to think about what i'm going to do.
move on from the past and who chose to no longer be in your life, and be grateful for those who decided to stay put.
1. i've realized people are always going to talk, whether you're doing good or bad. so ignore it.
2. break ups don't always come at horrible times, but sometimes the most right time it could.
3. you're going to have up and downs with your family, just hope the downs don't last long.
4. spring break, 4 days. can't wait to be laying in the arizona with madeline.
5. graduation is just around the corner, and i'm buckling down on these packets.
6. and being with your best friend, can be just about the best relationship ever.
i know i need to start making some decisions for my future, but honestly, i'm scared of my future and what i want to do. so right now, i'm just enjoying right now. so once summer comes, and i've laid out a couple hundred days.. then i'll start to think about what i'm going to do.
move on from the past and who chose to no longer be in your life, and be grateful for those who decided to stay put.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Post 200
I've always said I was gonna be honest; so instead of lying to you and saying I'm perfectly fine and happy, I'm gonna be honest. I have to say, looking back on the past 200 posts, I've grown a lot.. Changed a lot.. Whatever you want to call it.
Here's so pics that describe how I feel better then I could ever put in words.
Happy 200th post.
Here's so pics that describe how I feel better then I could ever put in words.
Happy 200th post.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Movin on
You know those weeks when you feel like not one possible thing MORE could go wrong. Well that was my week this week. Breakups are always tough, but sometimes it has to be done whether then just keep giving those endless chances to keep ending up the same way. No, my week didn't only suck because of that, I promise.. But for once I don't feel the need to broadcast it.
When I was younger, I always felt the need that people needed to know my story to understand why I am the way I am.. But I've out grown that. If I've learned one thing in high school, is that you can only rely on yourself; literally. In times of sorrow you think that your closest friends will be there through it all, but this week I learned different. Whether or not you're really close with someone, people do care. You may be crying in the hall, and the randomest person may have concern for you (yes, I did cry at school. And yes, it was embarrassing.. But I promise I didnt mean to).
I know that this chapter of my life is over for a reason, and I know that there are better things coming for me. I constantly give out advice about making the best of things, and I struggle to take my own advice. But because of one of my good friends this week, and a text I sent him; I finally realized for myself.
Only good can come from bad. It may sound contradicting but it's true. You may struggle for a long time after an event, but in the long run it will make you stronger. You see all these cliche quotes all over just about.... Everything. But there's a reason certain things keep coming up. It's because they're true!
I've been trying really hard to be mature this past week, as I see stuff that just makes my heart literally fall apart; I can say that this week was one of the worst ones in awhile. But no matter what he decides to say about me, or do to me.. I'm not going to let him get to me, just like my status said:
'Learn from your past, move on, grow stronger. People are fake, but let your trust last longer. Do what you got to do, but always stay true, and never let anyone get the best of you.'
I will go on and continue to be that strong girl, I don't care what it takes; and I hope through all of this I will have a moment where I say 'this is exactly why I went through this'.
Now it's time to live up the rest of my senior year, and really buckle down for graduation, because times like this will come and go, and I need to think that my future is bright (thanks for that realization Annie).
When I was younger, I always felt the need that people needed to know my story to understand why I am the way I am.. But I've out grown that. If I've learned one thing in high school, is that you can only rely on yourself; literally. In times of sorrow you think that your closest friends will be there through it all, but this week I learned different. Whether or not you're really close with someone, people do care. You may be crying in the hall, and the randomest person may have concern for you (yes, I did cry at school. And yes, it was embarrassing.. But I promise I didnt mean to).
I know that this chapter of my life is over for a reason, and I know that there are better things coming for me. I constantly give out advice about making the best of things, and I struggle to take my own advice. But because of one of my good friends this week, and a text I sent him; I finally realized for myself.
Only good can come from bad. It may sound contradicting but it's true. You may struggle for a long time after an event, but in the long run it will make you stronger. You see all these cliche quotes all over just about.... Everything. But there's a reason certain things keep coming up. It's because they're true!
I've been trying really hard to be mature this past week, as I see stuff that just makes my heart literally fall apart; I can say that this week was one of the worst ones in awhile. But no matter what he decides to say about me, or do to me.. I'm not going to let him get to me, just like my status said:
'Learn from your past, move on, grow stronger. People are fake, but let your trust last longer. Do what you got to do, but always stay true, and never let anyone get the best of you.'
I will go on and continue to be that strong girl, I don't care what it takes; and I hope through all of this I will have a moment where I say 'this is exactly why I went through this'.
Now it's time to live up the rest of my senior year, and really buckle down for graduation, because times like this will come and go, and I need to think that my future is bright (thanks for that realization Annie).
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Umm ask me if I care
Tell me this, why are the outspoken people always looked at the worse? The ones that get judged the most, the ones that are looked at like 'you're gonna kill me cuz you're a bih'. Last time I checked, it's a good thing to be outspoken, and say how you actually feel. Id rather be hated for something I am, then loved for something I'm not. I know it's a cliche saying, but it's true.
Got a problem with me being that way, say it to me; not all my friends, it does get back to me.
Want me to be outspoken?
Screw government class IDGAF about.
Screw crying, that burn my eyes and skin where I've wiped my face so many times.
Screw relationships that actually make you feel.
Screw insomnia.
Screw having health problem after health problem.
But most of all, screw fake two faced people.
How's that for outspoken?
Got a problem with me being that way, say it to me; not all my friends, it does get back to me.
Want me to be outspoken?
Screw government class IDGAF about.
Screw crying, that burn my eyes and skin where I've wiped my face so many times.
Screw relationships that actually make you feel.
Screw insomnia.
Screw having health problem after health problem.
But most of all, screw fake two faced people.
How's that for outspoken?
Loved an lost
You know that feeling where something is completely out of your hands but you want more then anything to voice your opinion, but it's just not your place? Well here, look at me, I'm exhibit A of that right now. And it sucks. Bad.
I want to be that person that is supportive no matter what my loved ones decisions are, I've always been that way. But why is it so different for me now? Why is it SO difficult for me to stand on the sidelines and wait... And wait... Maybe for an answer that no either way, I am benefitted.
That's what gets my anxiety really going, that I could be waiting for nothing; even if they don't make the choice you're hoping they don't. Does that make you a bad person for being selfish in ways? No I think not.
I once said to one of my best friends that being selfish can sometimes mean being self less, that you need to make decisions based on what's best for you so you can be a better person for your friends, even if it is down the road. I still believe that, and right now I am being selfish. In my own mind at least. I don't care how much I have to repeat that what I don't want to happen isn't going to happen, if denial is what I need right now; then so be it. I'm pretty good at denial.
When I get home at the end of the day and lay in my bed, the mascara washed off and the sweats on, the only thing I can think about is how lonely I really am. Yeah, all my friends reading this right now are probably thinking 'wow you have me, am I not good enough?' and yes you are, Kate Shalana Kelli Janessa Tiff Haylee Alex Brooke... Whoever is reading this, yeah you are good enough. But it's not the friendship part that's missing in my heart, and you damn well know that. without my friends right now, i don't know what I would be doing. So I thank you guys for that (not just the named ones). But something else is missing, and i don't know what I'm gonna do until I get that back.
One thing I do know, is that I've loved and I've lost, but I'm gonna keep moving forward; because I know there are bitches out there that want to see me fall, and I won't let them win. I haven't yet, and I never will.
A strong girl can admit she's hurting.
And I'm hurting, I don't care if the whole world knows, because you can only gain strength through struggle, and I've learned that the hard way.
I want to be that person that is supportive no matter what my loved ones decisions are, I've always been that way. But why is it so different for me now? Why is it SO difficult for me to stand on the sidelines and wait... And wait... Maybe for an answer that no either way, I am benefitted.
That's what gets my anxiety really going, that I could be waiting for nothing; even if they don't make the choice you're hoping they don't. Does that make you a bad person for being selfish in ways? No I think not.
I once said to one of my best friends that being selfish can sometimes mean being self less, that you need to make decisions based on what's best for you so you can be a better person for your friends, even if it is down the road. I still believe that, and right now I am being selfish. In my own mind at least. I don't care how much I have to repeat that what I don't want to happen isn't going to happen, if denial is what I need right now; then so be it. I'm pretty good at denial.
When I get home at the end of the day and lay in my bed, the mascara washed off and the sweats on, the only thing I can think about is how lonely I really am. Yeah, all my friends reading this right now are probably thinking 'wow you have me, am I not good enough?' and yes you are, Kate Shalana Kelli Janessa Tiff Haylee Alex Brooke... Whoever is reading this, yeah you are good enough. But it's not the friendship part that's missing in my heart, and you damn well know that. without my friends right now, i don't know what I would be doing. So I thank you guys for that (not just the named ones). But something else is missing, and i don't know what I'm gonna do until I get that back.
One thing I do know, is that I've loved and I've lost, but I'm gonna keep moving forward; because I know there are bitches out there that want to see me fall, and I won't let them win. I haven't yet, and I never will.
A strong girl can admit she's hurting.
And I'm hurting, I don't care if the whole world knows, because you can only gain strength through struggle, and I've learned that the hard way.
Monday, January 30, 2012
230 am
I hate waking up from dreams bawling, and contemplating yourself and your decisions. In a weak moment I always give in, but what if that means something? I mean obviously not in every situation, but some, I can't help but wonder if that means that's my fate. I can't remember the last time I felt so empty. Yeah yeah, laugh at me for letting a boy make such an impact on my daily life. But he became my best friend, my EVERYTHING. He loved me just the way I was, he started liking me when he came and visited me when I was really sick, for heavens sake. He didn't care if I hadn't showered in 2 days, and his favorite thing to do was just to cuddle with me. I know we fight. A lot. But what good couple doesn't? I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I'm not the type of girl that can be single, I just don't like it. Not that I want to be taken by just any boy; but you know what I mean.
I know who I am, an I know I don't just waste a year and four months for nothing. And if it takes me some time to realize what's going to really happen, then so be it. But I'm not just gonna put him in the back of my mind and hope he disappears, because he's more then that. I don't care if you think I deserve better or he does, or whatever. You don't see how our relationship goes or how much love really goes between us. And if it means that this break up means we'll never get back together, then so be it.
Today I was driving around with my good friend, she took me to get a drink and a treat in hopes for me to feel better. But little does she know that she gave me such an insight, she said:
"everyone knows that you don't just let people walk all over you. You don't ever put up with anyone's crap. But you continuously let him walk all over you and you dealt with his crap. And it was so different, and not like you"
My response was:
"because I love him"
But I want you to really think, do I EVER put up with anyones bull crap? I don't just let people walk all over me, and I don't wake up at 230 in the morning sobbing from a stupid dream, and I don't cry over something so stupid like liking some girls picture on instagram, and I don't look at pictures for 10 minutes at a time feeling an empty feeling, but mostly I don't put so much into a relationship to let it just fail like this. I don't do all of that if it means nothing.
And I hope you know that. No, not you as in just my blog readers, but YOU too. And I hope you know, that your simple text you sent me tonight while I was sleeping, made me realize a lot.
I know who I am, an I know I don't just waste a year and four months for nothing. And if it takes me some time to realize what's going to really happen, then so be it. But I'm not just gonna put him in the back of my mind and hope he disappears, because he's more then that. I don't care if you think I deserve better or he does, or whatever. You don't see how our relationship goes or how much love really goes between us. And if it means that this break up means we'll never get back together, then so be it.
Today I was driving around with my good friend, she took me to get a drink and a treat in hopes for me to feel better. But little does she know that she gave me such an insight, she said:
"everyone knows that you don't just let people walk all over you. You don't ever put up with anyone's crap. But you continuously let him walk all over you and you dealt with his crap. And it was so different, and not like you"
My response was:
"because I love him"
But I want you to really think, do I EVER put up with anyones bull crap? I don't just let people walk all over me, and I don't wake up at 230 in the morning sobbing from a stupid dream, and I don't cry over something so stupid like liking some girls picture on instagram, and I don't look at pictures for 10 minutes at a time feeling an empty feeling, but mostly I don't put so much into a relationship to let it just fail like this. I don't do all of that if it means nothing.
And I hope you know that. No, not you as in just my blog readers, but YOU too. And I hope you know, that your simple text you sent me tonight while I was sleeping, made me realize a lot.
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