i have been infatuated with boys since i can remember, like 2 or something (not even a joke guys- started getting googly eyed over boys pretty young. ha). i have fallen for a couple of boys, from opposite ends of the spectrums. the first love, the boy that was completely opposite of me, the kid i've known since grade school. i've also tried to convince myself that plenty of boys were 100%- no make that 1000% times different. *yes i was often disappointed when a lot ended the same.
why is love so freaking hard? blinding? exhausting? confusing? always different then we think? but then again so rewarding when it's in its prime?
i think all good things come from hardships, trial and error, time, and experience.
if i were to be with a guy that my young high school self thought was the perfect match for me, i'd be one sad girl.
don't get me wrong. every single guy in my past shows a different chapter in my life; the different versions- well molding- cassidys that i've been. and i'm so grateful for all my experiences; but with all the things i've learned i DO want, i've also realized what i DON'T want.
it's crazy. seriously.
a boy i hung out for ONE WEEK simply showed me that a guy i've been hung up over for years just wasn't for me anymore. something i struggled with for so long. gone, in one short week. no i didn't fall in love with one week boy, we just had a lot of good vibes, conversation, and realizations together. and helped me realize that i'm an alright girl when you get to know me, and all my mistakes don't define me blah blah blah cliche whatever, but in all seriousness!
that's something i love about dating (sort of really hate dating but this is one of the very few things i like)- is that you can learn from so many different people about the different puzzle pieces that will make up your beautiful love that will come someday. you'll be able to glue together that puzzle, put it in a frame and hang it on your living room wall. whether you date them for 3 years or one week, people are the best teachers.
anyways, so recently i had a realization of how used to it i was to be poorly treated. that i was more uncomfortable with the fact that a boy was treating me right. that yelling and harsh words were more my norm then uplifting words and kind gestures. i was talking to my mom on the phone about it and it went like this:
me: yeah he's a good guy, has a good head on his shoulders, super respectable and really really nice to me. it's kind of weird.
mom: cass, that's not weird. that's good. that's exactly what you deserve. someone that treats you well.
now let me back up before i go forward- i'm not saying all my exes treated me poorly, i believe it was a mutual immaturity shared between us, and lack of experience on how to deal with typical relationship issues.. anyways, when my mom said that to me, it hit me hard.
isn't that were all striving for? someone that treats us well, makes us swoon, and someone you just wanna kiss 200 times? not someone you're constantly irritated with, exchange harsh words, and end up crying over?
it's crazy what can happen to your brain when you justify such actions, it becomes your norm- and honestly, it's really sad. that you can sit there in debate with yourself in your head with "well he said he wont cheat again, so we'll give him one more chance." no. no, 10003532 times no.
so my point is: ladies, be who you are and don't change a single thing. don't change your values, hobbies, and way of life. but never forget to accept their values, hobbies, and way of life. there's going to be someone out there that is going to treat you like gold regardless of your life choices or past. he's gonna think your mistakes aren't necessarily great- but is in acceptance that if those thing wouldn't of happened, that you wouldn't be who you are today.. he's going to ask you what each mark on your body is from, and is going to be non-judgemental when you tell him your shameful stories that gave you those marks.. he's gonna wanna hear about it because it involves you- and he likes you.
people are cool, guys. you just gotta give them a chance to show you they're half alright.