forgiveness

"forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior. forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart"..

i'm not going say i'm the most forgiving person in the world; it's actually quite the opposite. 

i'm not going to say that i haven't sat there and thought to myself "how dare you do that to me?".

i'm not going to say i haven't had a lot of hate in my heart over the years.

i'm not going to say i haven't let bad experiences affect me in a negative way.

i've struggled with forgiveness my whole life, it's never come easy to me. but something i've learned over the years; is there's a reason for everything. there's a reason why someone had to walk out of your life when you needed them most- you don't know the demons they're fighting within themselves. there's a reason that that boy broke your heart- you don't know that it didn't break their heart as well.

i can sit here and blame events in my life for this problem with forgiveness, but i think that is so cowardly. everyone has their issues, but EVERYONE has the strength to overcome them. although it may be a slow process where you check one thing off at a time. it's not easy.. i can tell you that much. but it's progress, and how rewarding is progress in life? but as i've grown older and had my heart ripped to pieces and felt defeated many times by people i love more than the air i breathe, i've learned that forgiveness is the only way to bring peace into your own heart. forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you.

although i know this is going to be a slow process of breaking down a cement wall, but i've got my sledge hammer and i'm ready for it.

so today, i forgave a long grudge from my childhood; and my heart feels a little fuller and the ache feels a little less dominate.