Wednesday, October 10, 2012


as i stare around my room, i can't believe i am where i am in my life. it's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that i'm in my bed, in the closet, at my dad's house, in michigan. and this is what i call home now. this is where i sleep each night, and this is where i come back to everyday. i can't lie, i think about my life; and it doesn't feel whole, like there's a big hole in my soul, and something big is missing. i don't know if it's the fact that i don't see my mom everyday, or the fact that i've realized that i can't live without him in my life, or the simple fact that i miss my dog. the past 2 years, the same person has been floating around my head; constantly. whether it was me choosing to think about it, or him inviting himself into my dreams, to simply running across a picture. there is still that cling in my heart that cares for him deeply; and i'm trying to figure out why.

sometimes i wish i could go back to how my life used to be, cuddling watching a movie, in my bed, in my grandparents house, in utah; with him. i miss the simple things that brought me joy each day. i miss knowing that i was loved, each day. i miss seeing my best friends, each day. i miss knowing that i had someone to turn to, each day. 

my mind is full of questions, things i go back and forth on. things that always seem to come back, feelings that keep arising, and i can't hide them anymore.


  1. You just described exactly how I feel. I appreciate this.

  2. Hey cass i just wanted to say thanks again for helping me out the other night when i was having such a hard time.these boys are too much alike it kills me. this is exactly how i feel too. i really enjoy reading your blog and knowing im not the only one who is going through this. you really are an amazing girl! don't forget that, ever!

  3. my feelings exactly. silly boys. why do we have to fall in love with them?