different.

you know when you're insecure in high school and you're just like "i'm nothing like my friends"... then you grow up and you watch them do all the same thing, while you're just over here doing NOTHING like them, and then it hits you that you ARE indeed different than all of your high school friends?

this is my life.

has been since i graduated, to be honest.

every. single. one. of my best friends from high school are of the following:

married.

married and have a baby.

engaged.

engaged and weeks away from the wedding.

in a very serious relationships so they might as well be engaged.

then there's me:

managing two boutiques, talking to boys here and there, writing a missionary (not seriously, so not even a waiting missionary gf), and going to the gym.

isn't it crazy how much you know about yourself at an early age and you don't quite believe yourself? i always knew i was nothing like my friends, i wasn't into the LDS church quite like them, i didn't always know if the whole temple thing was for me; i had tattoos, and piercings, where they had one piercing and no tattoos nor would ever get one.

one day after one of my friends bachelorette parties, i broke down while i drove home. it's hard to feel like you're the outsider in the people you once thought you were closest to. it's hard to feel like they think you're not good enough because you're not living the same lifestyle as them, and sometimes it's way hard to feel like you're different.

don't get me wrong, unique is one of my main priorities, i never want to be a carbon copy of someone. nor will i ever be. but sometimes it's tough when you feel like you can't relate even in the slightest to your close friends.

i make it sound like i have no friends anymore, and that's the furthest from the truth; i have friends that have stuck by my side no matter what decision i made, and i made some friends after high school that i will carry with me for the rest of my life.

but there is something different about high school best friends; they are the ones you had sleepovers and stayed up all night talking about your wedding, kids names, and every topic under the moon. you grow up with them, and go through some of the hardest years of your life (in my opinion). you swear you will always be best friends and you wipe away each others tears because of the boy they KNEW they were in love with. high school best friends are different. they are part of your childhood, and they help you become who you are now.

so while all my friends are cuddled up to their loved one, maybe even under the same roof and look forward to going to bed with him at the end of the day.. i will close this boutique tonight, go shower, maybe hang out with a friend, and go to bed. cuz right now, i'm perfectly okay with staying ms. vansolkema... but i would be lying if i didn't say it wasn't hard some days to be different from the rest of them.