Wednesday, April 2, 2014

cassidy amy, where have you been?

cassidy amy, where have you been?!
sorry mom (blog), just doin' work....

i feel like i often begin blog posts by apologizing for the neglect, but you know what... i'm not gonna do that anymore.. it will just be implied.

so insert apology here, i am sure sorry taking flight.

life has been FULL of ups and downs lately, i don't remember the last time i didn't know what i was doing the next day, i don't remember the last time i wasn't stressed, and i don't remember the last time i wasn't go go go, busy busy busy.

i guess that's what comes with a managing job. yes, you heard right, managing job. october of last year i was hired on at a boutique, and by the end of february, beginning of march, i was named manager of the orem store. one week and a half later, i became the manager of both the boutiques. has it been a roller coaster? you bet, but so far.. i love it, and i know it's a rewarding position; so i'll take on that stress, cass can handle anything right? (cross your fingers, lets hope).

it's crazy how far you can come in a year, how much can change, or be the same.. i look back at a year ago, and i'm like first of all: how am i alive? haha kidding, not that dramatic.. but i don't know how i thought that lifestyle was the best thing for me. granted, i know we all go through a rebellious stage, and i don't regret it; one bit.. for i know i would not know near as much as i know now; but still, one word: WOW! i'm not the person to talk into details about stuff, but let me tell you, i apologize to everyone that dealt with me at that time, hopefully i can make it up to you with a treat or hug/kiss.. depending on the gender.

but i can honestly say, the 2 years of being graduated, i have learned more about myself then ever before! but at the same time, have NO idea where i'm going in this life, but right now i'm okay with that.. can't say i don't worry at night thinking "this is it for me?" can't say i haven't had legit panic attacks over the thought of me never finding someone that will love me and i love back in the same way (guys, it's a legit fear, as dumb as it may seem to you).. but then i remember, i'm really not all that bad, especially as bad as i, sometimes, make myself feel about myself.

last summer i completely, i mean COMPLETELY, lost myself. and i have spent everyday since then, trying to better ME. can't say i haven't made plenty of mistakes since then, but i'm finding my self worth again (thank you to my therapist/friend kristen for bringing me back to reality about how severe i really was a year ago, and that i AM better then that.. even though she honestly told me that she didn't like me anymore, ha; what would i do without you?).. i know i had infected myself with SOME toxic people, in my most stupid time, thought was the BEST people for me. but right now, i'm learning (growing up, weird enough) what's best for me.. and it's def a trial and error kind of situation for me, but whatever; you gotta learn somehow, right?

so before i make it so i have to put my foot in my mouth, here's to bettering myself, finding myself worth, working hard, and being the best cassidy amy i can be.

cuz at the end of the day, cassidy amy's soul aint that bad.

oh here's a pic of me if you forgot what i look like.

No comments:

Post a Comment