happiness

i often find myself unsure of what i want (people that know me are probably sighing, because this is pretty typical for me). somedays, i'm sooo sure i want my life to be one certain way, and the next second i find myself thinking "well... what if (insert crazy idea here)?" my mind is constantly racing, i'm never comfortable, and i'm always searching for that next part of my life. but isn't that just it? why am i searching? why am i so eager to know what's next when that's not how it's supposed to be? don't get me wrong, i'm all about goals; but my mindset, my lifestyle is more in the free spirit category, where quite frankly- i have no idea what i want, buuuuuut...

i know i want to travel to far away lands and eat all the good food they offer and buy a knick knack from each place to put in a cupboard of all my treasures.

i know i want to film every part of my life that i can, because those are the best to look back on.

i know i want to find an occupation that i love so dearly, i can't picture myself doing anything else.

i know i want to make a name for myself, where people look at the good things i've done.

i know i want to marry my best friend and make gorgeous babies, at least 3 of them.

i know i want to live in a homey home, with lots of candles and a candy drawer that is constantly stocked full.

i know i want to spend days in my pajamas with my kids watching every disney movie possible.

i know i want to decorate my house for every holiday and make sure my kids experience all the goodness from each one. (valentines fairy and all).

i know i want my kids to know their mom and dad are ALWAYS going to be there, no matter what mistakes they make along the way.

i know i want to spend mornings waking up in my white bed, next to the man of my dreams and have tickle fights.

the main thing that comes to mind when i think of what i want, comes to one thing: happiness.

no matter where i go in this life, i want to be happy; i refuse to be a middle aged woman, in a profession i literally despise to wake up and face another day at, coming home late to take over for the nanny that i have to have because i'm too busy, and the most time i spend with my husband is when we're trying to get as much sleep and energy to face the next day. i want my life to be full, to be filled with the people i love most, and to spoil my husband and kids rotten.

if you asked me what i want in life, i'm sure i would go off on a list of things i may want in the future, but one thing is guaranteed, whatever i end up doing, i want to do it with pure happiness.