I'm gonna be good

Well, I guess the first person I really tell all of this is going to be my blog... But it's been on my mind..

I've grown up with mormon background, I guess you could call it. When I was little, I was so proud to call myself a mormon, I dreamed of getting baptized, going to relief society, and eventually getting married in my favorite temple. The Manti temple. When I moved to Michigan, I still wore that name tag that I was a Mormon. I LOVED IT. I didn't care that I was different from everyone else, I liked it that way. I fell from the church when stuff started to get really tough at home. Temptations grew, and I easily fell into them. My entire high school career I was going against what I truly believed in. I had serious boyfriends, I did all the things you're not supposed to do. When I moved back to Utah, I just didn't feel like the church was for me. I liked being a rebel, and doing all the 'wrong' things. Obviously all my friends were mormon, so I would attend farewells and say my goodbyes. I think that's what made me fall from the church too. I didn't like the fact that it kept taking my loved ones away. Obviously, that's not how it really is. I always respected missionaries and how they could be selfless for 2 years and preach what they believed in. But something about missions really rubbed me the wrong way. Probably because my serious boyfriend wanted to leave me for 2 years instead of marrying me. I know I was selfish. Needless to say, for a long time I didn't even know if I believed in the church.

Tonight I was driving around in my thoughts, and I had this weird epiphany. All of a sudden I knew that what I wanted is what has been in my mind for the past couple months, I knew what I have been doing for years was wrong, and I knew what I wanted. I felt like I was little again. I want to be an active Mormon, I want to go to relief society, and I want to marry the love of my life in the temple. Maybe he won't go on a mission, maybe he will. But all I know is I want to be sealed in the temple with my husband. I want my kids to go to church and have the gospel in their lives. And I want it in my life again too.

I know this is probably the furthest thing you thought you'd hear from me, Cassidy VanSolkema. But I promised to always be honest, and this is how I feel. I'm really excited to see what comes from it.