RIP CLH

playing sims was my nightly routine, and that's what i was doing this night. the phone rang.

"hello?"

"hi munchkin!"

it was my uncle

"hi court, what's up?" 

"oh nothing just hanging out with some friends, about to go to vegas. what are you up ..." (drifts off)

"court? you there?"

"oh yeah, i'm here.. sorry. what are you up to?"

"i'm just playing sims, did you hear mom's having a girl?"

"ANOTHER NIECE?! when am i going to get my nephew?"

"well you got me, that's good enough right?"

pause

"right court?"

"what? right, you're all i need"

"are you okay, court?"

"yeah, i'm alright. can i talk to your mom?"

"yes of course."

"i love you and never forget it, okay munchkin?"

"diddo"

2 days later..

February 28, 2004

it was like any other day dad was at work, mom was at the store and i was home with my little sister sophie. i was watching lizzie mcguire reruns in my room on my hello kitty tv, when the phone rang. i picked up, and heard my grandpa's voice.

"hello?"

"hi sweetheart, is mom or dad home?"

"umm, no grandpa, mom is at the store getting some groceries, and dad is at work. why whats up?"

"just have your mom or dad call me when they get home okay?"

"why? what's wrong grandpa?"

"they will tell you. remember you're my favorite girl, i love you!"

"i know, i love you too! bye"

i called my dad, i told him with panic in my voice what had happened, he told me that grandpa had called him and that he would be home in a couple minutes. dad never came home from work early.

that's when my mom walked in. my mom had told me that dad had called him and told her to stay in the house until he got home, and to not go anywhere. 

i told my mom that grandpa had called and needed her to call him back, as soon as possible. she picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number. she went and sat on the front porch, that's when dad walked up. 

"cass go inside okay? we'll be in in a minute"

"no dad, i wanna know what's going on"

the terror in my mom's voice is something i will never forget.

"NO NO NO! IT CAN'T BE TRUE, COURTENEY IS DEAD!"

my uncle had passed away at the young age of 25.

the next few days were a blur, i sat in the corner of our living room for 2 days straight. not eating, only getting up to go to the bathroom. we flew on a plane, to our hometown Orem, Utah. We got there, saw my grandpa and grandma; you could tell they were a wreck. they had lost their only son, my grandma's baby boy. we all headed to the mortuary, it felt unusually cold in there; i spotted his body on the table. we walked to the table, for what felt hours; and when we reached him my mom ran into the church and bawled. i laid on his chest and yelled to him "why, why, why!!! why did you leave me?!" i couldn't believe my uncle was gone. his face was white, souless. but the day of the viewing he looked like an angel.

the viewing; 

i had prepared a poster of my story of my uncle. he was like my father, but my big annoying brother at the same time. people streamed in to see one last look at him, a line all they way through the mortuary, and out the door, wrapping around the building twice. the sound of "in the arms of the angels, and "when i look to the sky", in the background. we saw some old friends of ours, and his.. his best friends, our family, some people i didn't know. all saying how sorry they were for us, and how he was such an amazing guy. as if we didn't already know.

my uncle died of a heart attack. he had been doing drugs for the past 5 years, and had quit for about 6-8 months. he took half an oxy, and it killed him. which was no where what he had been doing his whole drug experience. he was the man figure in my life, along with my grandpa. he was the person i could go to with any issue. he was a genius, he could take apart a entire computer and make a whole new one, he made bank at whatever he did! 

i love you courteney lord hansen, you are in my thoughts everyday. especially since i now have your room and your furniture. when i open my drawers, i get a wiff of you, and i know everything is going to be alright. you are my personal angel, and i wouldn't have it any other way. i know you are making a difference up in heaven, and you got all the fine girls just at your feet. thanks for all you did, and continue to do for me. i know our last conversation wasn't that great, and i didn't really tell you i loved you; but i think you knew i did. i looked up to you in every way possible and i still strive to be like you. you cared about people, and their well being. and even though you were the most popular boy, you cheered for the underdog. i aspire to be that. like i said, i love you and i will be seeing you soon.