Day by day

There's only so many treats that can be given to you, there are only so many uplifting talks you can have before it just doesn't work anymore.

 Life is a shit hole sometimes, and quite frankly I don't understand why bad things continue to happen, why the same situations keep repeating themselves, and why things just can't go smoothly for more then 6 months. 

There are only so many nights you can spend alone in bed, crying.

There has to come a time where you put your foot down, no longer let people hurt you, no longer enable immature actions to keep happening, and a time where you finally have to live for yourself; no matter what possibilities could happen. 

I've lost my sense of self worth, my sense of striving for excellence, my sense of understanding of Gods plan for me. I really have lost all reality of what's to come of my life and the way I want to live it. 

Although I may not have many people to lean on, not many people to really listen and COMPREHEND what I'm saying.. But I do know that I have myself, I have my pillow to cry on, and I have the darkness each night to wallow in my pity so I don't have to put it on anyone else... I have that silence in the constant fuzzing of the tv in my brain when people talk.. 

I have that stillness that I need to face another day of this hell.