Life is a shit hole sometimes, and quite frankly I don't understand why bad things continue to happen, why the same situations keep repeating themselves, and why things just can't go smoothly for more then 6 months.
There are only so many nights you can spend alone in bed, crying.
There has to come a time where you put your foot down, no longer let people hurt you, no longer enable immature actions to keep happening, and a time where you finally have to live for yourself; no matter what possibilities could happen.
I've lost my sense of self worth, my sense of striving for excellence, my sense of understanding of Gods plan for me. I really have lost all reality of what's to come of my life and the way I want to live it.
Although I may not have many people to lean on, not many people to really listen and COMPREHEND what I'm saying.. But I do know that I have myself, I have my pillow to cry on, and I have the darkness each night to wallow in my pity so I don't have to put it on anyone else... I have that silence in the constant fuzzing of the tv in my brain when people talk..
I have that stillness that I need to face another day of this hell.