Sunday, August 12, 2012

48 hours

sometimes, life doesn't make sense to me at all. i don't understand why bad things happen over and over again. my life took a complete whirlwind in the past 48 hours. 48 hours ago, i was sitting in my room and now i'm sitting in my best friend alex's house, 1570 miles away from my room.

when i was here visiting michigan, i had decided i was going to go to GRCC in the fall. I had my mind set on going, and i was determined. when i got home, i started to have second thoughts, and didn't know if it was for me, or necessarily the right decision. i told my family i was having second thoughts, and that i needed to think it over. the next morning i decided i was just gonna go for it, and see what happens. i called my family and they said they wanted me to wait a year to decide what i wanted. that night, a series of unfortunate events occurred, causing that my little sister would have to move to michigan. we packed up 5 suitcases, 3 trash bags, a backpack, and a laundry basket- then shoved it all in my car and headed for a hotel for the night. i said my goodbyes to my most loved ones, and bawled my eyes out the entire day. this morning i jumped on a plane, and now i'm here.

when i was little i always would ask "why me?". i would pray to God over and over again, asking him that question. when i was a teenager, i would always ask God to take it all away, i always just wanted all the problems to go away. now that i'm coming into adulthood, i lost the prayer in my life. last night, after i said my final goodbye, i was laying in our bed in the hotel room, with my little sister, all alone and i prayed to God to not let my little innocent sister go through what i did. i thanked him for making me as strong as he did when i was so young, because i know i wouldn't of survived these past events if it weren't for him doing that.

i'm grateful for good friends, strength, and my family. i know this is going to be extremely hard at first, but i know in the long run, it is going to make me stronger- and that alone, helps me keep going.


  1. cass,

    obviously i don't know what's going on and i'm not going to act like i do, but you are great. from the little bit of time i've spent with you and from what i've read on here, i can tell you are so strong and will get through whatever trial gets in your way. seriously, you inspire me all the time. good luck with everything girl!

  2. I am AMAZED with how much you deal with, and how you still manage to smile so big and laugh so hard every day that you are alive. You know it's going to be okay, it always is, as hard and as low as you get, I will never ever ever second guess you being able to come out on top. That's who you are Cass; the gorgeous girl with the strength that keeps the smile together. I'm your #1 fan; and I look up to you more than you know. This summer apart has been brutal. I hope to see you as soon as I can; but know you are where you need to be in order to heal. I am here for you as you embark of your journey of healing and self discovery. It is not easy; not at all.

    "If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting(which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments)and set out on a truth-seeking journey(either externally or internally),and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared - most of all -to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself....then truth will not be withheld from you."

    Sally: I feel like I'm never going to see you again.
    Gillian: Of course you're going to see me again! We'll grow old together. It's going to be you and me living in a big house... these two old biddies with all these cats. I bet we even die on the same day.

  3. dearest cass:

    your strength is incredible, and i look up to you more than you will ever know. i've always admired how strong and straight forward you are. i've always admired you in general. you're always there for lou, and i don't doubt with anything inside of me that she looks up to you and loves you more than words can describe.

    stay strong, babe.