Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Harsh thoughts

It gets to a point when a human can only handle so much. To the point where you would rather shut off any communication to the outside world- and just lay in your bed for days. But is this healthy? Sometimes I contemplate myself too much- I don't know what I want, let alone what I need. But I find my head going back and fourth constantly. I don't want to give up, and I want to continue to be the strong girl that I'm often said to be. But sometimes it is too much to handle, and I need a break. It's even worse when your best friend is going through a hard time as well, and you don't want to put it on her- like you often have, as she has as well.. And I want to be there for her, and I will continue to be; but sometimes it's hard to give advice when you don't know what to do with your own problems. 

I've learned that I really can't trust everyone I thought I trusted. That they would rather go and run their mouths about something they know NOTHING about just to stir the pot. I've learned that half the time the phrase 'people only care about themselves' - is a true statement. But that has always been so dumbfounding to me, because when I care about someone; I can't just turn it off as easy as a light switch, which often times I feel like people do that to me. Friends come and go, and I don't know why I keep making myself learn the hard way. But here I am, doing just that... Learning the hard way once again. 

Dear her(s),
Why do you do the things you do? Why do you think it's okay to just go do the things you do? I would never in my mind play the games you do. If it weren't for him not wanting me to, you better believe you would have gotten a strong worded text from me last night. Grow up. That's all there is to it, you didn't want me in your life- so stay the freak out of mine, and don't pull bull crap like that. I really just don't get how your mind works, because I know if I did that to you, you would of have a heart attack an go on for days about it. You need to start thinking twice about the things you do, because it's really starting to bug me. Sometimes, I wonder how we were ever so connected like we were; we may have thought a lot of the same things about a lot of ideas- but at the same time, I've never felt like I'm completely  opposite of someone. So you keep living your happy life and I'll stay out of it, only if you stay out of mine. That's all I ask from you. And I don't feel like thats much. 

I haven't blogged in awhile, and it's probably not the best to come with ugly emotions; but I promised I would always be honest on here, and that's what I'm doing. Want me to be honest? I'm broken and lost, and don't know where to turn, I'm working on me- even though often times i feel like I'm trying to fix others when I say I'm working on me. I'm human, and I'm still learning from mistakes and choices I've made in my past. I still ask why God has let the things happen, and I want to believe the phrase I often use 'if god brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.' but sometimes I don't think he will. 

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