Saturday, July 2, 2011

delete button?

so recently, maybe not allll that recent; but the idea of deleting my blog has popped into my head countless times (que the: noooooo!'s for the positive and in some cases negative reasons). but everytime i seem to just put it off, or ignore my blog for awhile; and this trip i did that. but the weirdest thing happened, i am going to keep names out of this just so that they don't feel like i am broadcasting their lives, but these 2 messages popped up in my inbox yesterday, and don't let me forget, i neveeeer get messages about my blog:

inbox number 1: you probably have no idea who I am, but I found your blog on megan abels, and I just wanted to tell you how much I love your blog. Seriously I read it all the time and alot of your posts relate to stuff going on in my life and its helped a ton! This is probably super creeper status but I just had to tell you how good it is.

inbox number 2: I read your blog, is that weird? I don't care. I looked at Alex's cause she had a link on her twitter, saw you commented and ended up reading so much of what you had written. I don't think I've ever talked to you besides MVP the other day and I'm not the kind of girl who draws conclusions about a girl before I meet her. But now that I've briefly met you I have drawn some conclusions: I like you, I look up to you, and in this weird way I'm proud of you. The shit this girl and guy have been putting you through is different, in some ways, than what I'm going through but in the end all hurt is similar. Too similar. But seeing or I guess reading how you got through it and have responded to it all has actually made me stronger, at least it's given me faith that I'll get stronger. Nothing has ever hurt me this much in my life, which is pathetic because I've been sexually assaulted and been through medical hell with my skin disease. And yet, nothing has been as hard as this petty shit? I can't explain it, but it's there. I'm just glad I stumbled across your blog because I can tell you've been hurt, in such a similar way, and you fucking rose from the ashes like a bitch. And I mean that in such a good way. Everything you said about the two of them especially in your last post, is everything I need to be saying and feeling and thinking but have been to weak to bring myself to it.
I know this is incredibly random, and if you thinks that's weird then so be it. But if you're anything like me, I thought you'd appreciate hearing that you inspired someone, helped someone. People don't really know what to say to me lately, my parents handed me money and my friends just told me to get drunk. I needed someone who has been through their own version of it, and came out on top, to know that I could and can do the same. You clearly have come out on top, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Thank you.

maybe you can call it a message from God that i need to remember why i started my blog in the first place. not to just help people, but to help me too. to know that people are out there that feel the same way i do, is the most unreal feeling. you finally feel like you're not alone anymore. both these messages touched me in a way, that i feel i have never been touched before. but the second one, hit home. i honestly can't make a blog post long enough to show my appreciation for these girls, they have honestly made me realize that just because a couple stupid people make fun of my blog, doesn't mean i need to completely give up hope on everyone else. even if i may seem dramatic and too open, it is that quality in me that can help people get through, and keep their faith. so if i have to be the girl to be made fun of, so be it; i would do that any day to help some girls out. 

i guess i just wanted to do this blog post to thank those 2 girls, for snapping me back into my reality; and showing me that there really are some really genuine people left in this world.


  1. i think the blogging world was invented for those who seem to be too open.
    it's not a bad thing at all.
    p.s i'm a stalker. and i adore you and your blog.
    this isn't creepy.

  2. Youre incredible. We're all so lucky to know you. I don't know what I'd do without you.