alone

the feeling inside where your stomach curls, your cheeks burn from tears running down them, the constant eyes full of tears, the choking of the breath, the patting of your throat.. the mistakes you've made, the people you've hurt. all the what ifs and whys, why did this happen to me? why did this person leave? why am i alone? why do i feel like i'm screaming but nothing comes out?

life's hard, and i'm the last one to complain about it.. but some nights i just want to be held and told that it's going to be okay, even though when it feels like i can't go on anymore, i have every reason to go on.  that i am strong even when i think i'm not.

the worst feeling is watching someone that meant so much walk away from you, especially when you are at your weakest point. you become so vulnerable, and tell them how you feel.. and they just walk away, thinking about themselves. not even acting like they are phased, just happy jolly.


well people wonder why i have walls, well here's why.. right here. even the most sincere people decide to leave, even when you thought no decent human being would do that. well here's a new wall, customized just for you. and if you try and break it down, good luck; you're just going to hurt yourself.


tonight, i am grateful for annie madsen and kate spitters.. i wouldn't of made it through tonight without them, and i can promise you that. i will never be able to thank them enough for how much they help me, and talk to me on the phone for hours; even though i just keep repeating myself. i live for them