Friday, August 23, 2013

romantic feelings and regrets

  • 3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for.
  • 4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

Person I had the most intense romantic feelings for (as of yet)... Wow this is a really hard question for me. I have had 2 SERIOUS boyfriends, that I dated for long periods of time. I had strong feelings for both, but in different ways. The first one, I was pretty young when we started dating, so part of me feels like since it was my first REAL intimate feeling, i feel like that one stands out to me more just because it was my first encounter with strong feelings. BUT, we had started dating when I was still in Michigan, and of course I had to move, so our relationship was mostly long distance (so stupid in high school), so I missed him constantly, and made my feelings grow to crazy amounts.  But my second boyfriend, I dated on and off for like 3 years, and he lived here. He was the kid I was most comfortable with, I could talk to him about literally anything, spend 3 days together straight without getting sick of each other. So I feel like that was a taste of a REAL relationship, but I will never let go of either feelings. I will always care about both.  So I would say I've had strong feelings for both but in different ways.

The thing I regret most.. I actually have 2. Both dealing with people I lost.

First: I was on the phone with my uncle for the last time, I obviously didn't know it was the last time, but non-the-less, it was the last time. We had a regular conversation, talked about how he was going to have another niece, anyways.. At the end of the call he said "I love you munchkin and never forget it:.. and he's not the kind of person to say I love you a lot, he just kind of assumed you knew, ha.. But all I had to say was "diddo".. Ever since then, every time I leave my house, I make sure I say I love you directly to my mom, just in case it is the last time I see her.

Secondly has to do with Syd. The night she needed me most, I had my phone turned off for my own relationship issues, and she had texted me a couple days later and said "yeah i tried to call you, cuz i figured you were the only one I wanted to talk to about this.. But your phone was off".. Later on, the night before she passed away, I had texted her asking her what was going on, and she said 3 words, and I replied once, but didn't bug her after that. I knew there was something going on, and I wish every single day that I would have forced her to talk to me more, and think I could have done something more. Maybe talked her into knowing that there was more to this life, but I hold that with me every day.

I miss Syd and my Uncle Court every single day.


1 comment:

  1. I definitely had the chills the entire time I read this post. you are beautiful and amazing. keep your head up and stay strong cass.